When do you realize that “your life”, the life you chose or blame others for choosing for you, is no longer working for you? When do you decide to make a change to make “your life” better? When do you make a conscious decision to stop trying to control your life, stop blaming others for your misfortunes and take responsibility for your behaviors and actions? Do you wait for your health to fail, for your relationships to suffer, or for life to “fall” apart?
When the Dalai Lama was asked what surprised him most about humanity, he answered, “Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die , and then he dies having never truly lived.” We all know the proverb, “Man plans and God laughs.”
My “Ah Ha” moment came when my health failed. My physical aliments were so debilitating that I became so riddled with anxiety that my baseline stress level was that of a person who suffered a loss of a loved one, lost their job, and had to move to another state all in the same day. OMG! I spent the next 4 ½ years and thousands of dollars trying to heal my withered body back to health.
After years of anger, resentment and blaming others for my misfortunes, I fell to my knees and begged for help. It was there in this state of ultimate surrender and willingness that I found peace. I realized I was powerless over my situation and surrendered myself to a power greater than me. I let go of control, I took responsibility for my actions and behaviors, forgave those who have hurt me because they did the best they could in the situation they were in, and decided to truly put my needs first. This did not happen overnight, nor was it a fun or easy process. This is an ongoing process that takes a daily practice to maintain as old habits are hard to break. And, it took a team to attain this: a doctor, a homeopath, a therapist and friends.
Find a support system, create one, pay someone if you have to and make it happen. You are worth it, your life is worth it! Decide right now, make a conscious decision to give up control, to stop being a victim and take the time for yourself. The only person we can change is ourselves. The only behaviors we can change are our own. The only reactions we can control are ours. Instead of trying to “fix” our partners, our friends, and the world, lets start small and “fix” ourselves. The only person who can love you the way you truly want to be loved is you.